Solo Female Travel Travel Stories

The Hard Parts of Solo Travel (That No One Prepares You For)

Updated on Leave a Comment on The Hard Parts of Solo Travel (That No One Prepares You For)
me traveling solo in New Zealand

There I am, standing just outside an outdoor restaurant in New Zealand, wondering if I should go in. As I look around, there’s groups of friends having afternoon cocktails, couples enjoying oysters and champagne, families loving a leisurely lunch. And then there’s me. Alone. No friends. Zero family. No partner. Wondering if I even belong here. This is one of the hard parts of solo travel that may be talked about, but you’re not fully prepared for. So what will it be? Do I go in, or do I grab takeout and go back to my room?

In most articles about traveling solo (honest hour – even some of mine!), the answer would be a heck yeah, who is even worried about other people or being alone?!? There’s this bold, courageous, don’t give an eff attitude that solo travelers seem to embody – and we encourage you to do the same. But here’s the real deal – even seasoned solo travelers have moments of doubt. Periods of loneliness. Times where it would be really nice to have a travel companion. 

I’ll be honest, it’s not always easy. But the good times? They far outweigh the down times. The key is knowing how to handle the hard moments, so they don’t derail the magic. 

For my full guide to solo travel for women over 35, start here →

Your Luggage Shouldn’t Be One of the Hard Parts

Solo travel has enough of them. One bag you can lift and manage yourself is one less thing to dread. Get my free custom packing checklist below. 

The Loneliness Is Real (And It Comes in Waves) When You Travel Solo

I’m a pretty independent person, so traveling alone doesn’t usually bother me. It’s also different from feeling lonely. As an extroverted introvert, I love being around people, but ultimately need to recharge my batteries solo. Solo travel lets you do that – on your terms, at your pace, and to the destinations you choose.

But that doesn’t mean loneliness doesn’t sneak in sometimes. Like seeing so many lively connections on that patio in New Zealand. Or the time I was sick in Annecy, France, and had to just hunker down, rest, and the only person looking out for me was, well, me. These moments are totally normal, and don’t necessarily mean that solo travel isn’t right for you.

I’ve found these moments come in waves. Sometimes, you’re so in awe about where you are, you’re immersed in the itinerary or the meal or the view, and being alone has a serenity to it. It’s just you and nature/culture/this big beautiful world. But what do you do when the loneliness does creep in?

And what did I do in New Zealand? I walked in, asked for a table for one, ordered the oysters and the champagne, and had one of the best afternoons of that trip.

How I handle it: 

  • The “phone a friend” ritual – texting or calling someone in real time makes me feel connected without being dependent or having someone right there.
  • Leaning into the discomfort instead of fleeing to my hotel room. Changing the narrative and focusing on celebrating the fact that I am even there, vs. that I am there by myself.
  • Journaling, writing and posting photos for me is a way of “sharing” the moment with myself – and now, with others. It takes me out of the discomfort and helps me focus on the bigger picture.
  • Remembering the difference between being lonely and being alone. Being alone is a choice, and loneliness is just an emotion that visits sometimes. It doesn’t have to – and doesn’t usually – stay. 

Pro Tip

Schedule a video call with a friend mid-trip. Having something to look forward to helps more than you’d think.

Decision Fatigue Is a Real Thing

When you travel solo, every single decision is yours: where to eat, what to see, when to wake up, what to skip. That freedom is the appeal – but honestly, it’s also quietly exhausting sometimes. I love researching where to go, where to eat, and finding hidden gems. At the same time, making a decision on which fantastic place to visit can be overwhelming. 

When I was standing in Tokyo at 2pm in the afternoon, starving for lunch? I still couldn’t decide. I spent an hour walking from place to place, comparing every (very similar) menu and exhausted from the thought of what to choose. The paradox of choice had set in, and there were just too many to choose from. That’s when it would have been so nice to have someone there that said, ‘hey, let’s just do THIS one.’

This is also why some people come back from solo trips more tired than they expect to. Every choice, every micro-decision – from do I try to tackle another thing on my itinerary or do I take a break; do I take the train or try to walk; do I, do I, do I – all take energy, and at some point, your energy is drained.

Insider Secret

There’s rarely a bad choice. And you’ll remember how you felt long after you’ve forgotten what you had for lunch.

How I handle it: 

  • Pre-deciding one or two “anchor” things per day helps decrease the number of decisions you have to make, and not every decision is made in the moment. 
  • Giving myself permission to do nothing when the decision overwhelm hits is huge. A bench, a coffee, a chapter of a book, a nap – they are all valid! 
  • Releasing the pressure of optimizing every moment. Yes, you may only be here once – but you won’t enjoy it if you’re too stressed to look up.
  • If you’re still building your solo travel confidence, starting small makes all of this easier

Pro Tip

Pick one ‘anchor’ experience per day and let everything else be flexible.

Eating Alone in Nice Restaurants Takes Practice (But It’s Worth It)

This one deserves its own section because it’s the #1 thing women tell me they can’t imagine doing solo. And as you saw in the beginning, I sometimes have my own self-doubts and lack of confidence in this arena. I’ve gotten used to it over the years, but it still sometimes feels awkward.

Just like with anything, practice makes perfect. The more you dine solo, the more you desensitize yourself. You realize that all the scary things you imagine happening – are people staring? Are people laughing? Do they think you’re a loser? – are just perceptions in your head. More likely than not, no one’s paying you any mind.

How I handle it: 

  • The bar seat is your best friend. You’ll see more solo diners here, and you don’t really need to converse. Patio seating that has ambiance and people-watching is also great.
  • Bring a book – yes we can all scroll on our phones these days, but carrying a book is like my safety blanket. Reading not only passes the time, but it takes me into a whole other story, forgetting the fact that I was self-conscious about being solo five minutes ago. 
  • Treat it as an experience, not a workaround – some of my best meals and conversations have happened solo at a restaurant table. At a restaurant in Sardenga, Italy, the owner came up, curious about me being alone. We started a conversation, and he ended up showing me around town later on my trip. That’s something that never would have happened had I not been open or been alone in that restaurant! It’s just one of many reasons to travel solo.
  • I like to do some pre-trip research so I’m not standing outside a restaurant psyching myself out in real time – thanks for that lesson, New Zealand! 

Pro Tip

Always ask for the bar seat. It changes everything.

Solo Travel Safety: The Mental Load No One Mentions

This is the one people ask about most –  but the reality isn’t that solo travel is dangerous, it’s that the mental load of safety awareness is tiring in a way that traveling with others isn’t. You’re always doing a low-level scan: Is this neighborhood okay? Should I tell someone where I’m going? Is this cab driver going a weird route? 

I once had a friendly seatmate on a plane offer me a ride to my hostel when we landed in London. Appreciative of the kind gesture, I happily agreed. His friend picked us up, they were conversing in their native language that I could not understand, and then said we needed to make a stop at their store, in a totally different part of town. At this point my spidey senses went up. I started watching every street sign we passed, wondering if I had to jump out, how would I find my way back (this was before the cell phone days). 

How did it end?

The reality of the situation was quite different. Once we arrived at his store, he offered me a job, then proceeded to take me to each shop on the block, basically letting me choose where I wanted to work. He helped me get a phone card and an A to Z map book. While I politely declined the job offers, I realized my fears were likely built up in my head vs anything nefarious taking place. He was just being a kind human.

Was I prepared for something scarier? Even back then, before smartphones, my parents knew exactly when I was meant to arrive at that hostel. I told my host: if I’m not there by 2pm, they’re coming for me. That got me a ride, lickety split. Here’s more on how I keep myself smart without letting it tip into fear.

How I handle it: 

  • Sharing my location with a trusted person at home is key. Where will you be? What time? Have location sharing on and shared with a friend. 
  • Trust your gut  – it’s your best tool. If my intuition tells me something is off, or if I get a bad feeling, I go with it. Even if it ends up being wrong, you’re better off being wrong and safe than right and in danger because you dismissed it.
  • Doing research upfront makes the mental load lighter in the moment. Knowing which neighborhoods to avoid, what the cultural norms are, etc helps you release the tension that comes with being alert 24/7.
  • Remember the difference between vigilance and fear – one keeps you smart, the other keeps you home. 

You’ll Miss People More Than You Expected When Traveling Solo

There’s a specific kind of missing that happens on the road – not homesickness exactly, but a wish that certain people could see what you’re seeing, and experience it with you. You’ll think of your best friend at a specific market. Your mom at a cathedral. Someone you’ve lost at a sunset. 

This is actually one of the most profound parts of solo travel – it shows you who matters most.

When I return to Europe, I can’t help but think of a dear friend I lost too soon. He and I traveled across Europe together in our 20s, and now every train station, every coffee shop, every snow-covered street reminds me of him and the fun we used to have, paired with pain at the reminder that he’s gone. 

So how do I carry that with me without it weighing me down? A few things help.

How I handle it: 

  • Sending voice notes instead of texts or doing WhatsApp video calls -they feel more “there.” 
  • Buying a small something as a physical way of bringing someone with you, or shopping for friends or family while on the road keeps you connected to them.
  • Leaning into the bittersweet feeling rather than pushing it away – it’s actually beautiful.

And Yet – Why I Keep Going

So you may wonder at this point why I still travel solo? Is it worth all this anxiety, all this discomfort? The short answer is yes. The hard parts don’t cancel out the magic. They’re part of it. They’re what make me a more interesting, resilient, self-knowing person. 

When I moved to Spain not knowing a soul? It was scary, and I survived. When I moved to London with just a suitcase and a hostel reservation? It was intimidating, and I thrived. Every new thing I’ve done, every new trip I’ve taken, comes with its own trepidation. The good kind of nerves, mixed with the excitement, gives me an adrenaline rush each time. 

And when I come home? I realize I’m stronger than I thought, more resilient than I give myself credit for, and more excited to do it again. That’s just one of many reasons to travel solo.

Conclusion

Are you happy now? I’ve dropped the truth bomb – the loneliness, the decision fatigue, the mental load of safety, the missing people – they’re all real. But what’s also real? The moments of self-reflection. The mini celebrations, knowing you just did something you didn’t think you could. The freedom of doing what you want and being your true self. 

Would knowing how to handle these fears have made my earlier solo trips better? Probably. But learning them through doing is also what has made me who I am. This is not some fear tactic to stop you from traveling solo. It’s quite the opposite, in fact. I’m not warning people away, I’m handing you a better map. 

Have you traveled solo, or are there fears holding you back? I’d love to hear your own hard moments from the road, or fears that are hard to overcome. Share below in the comments. If you want to travel solo but aren’t sure where to start, I’m happy to help you customize your trip and can provide the right amount of support and guidance to make you confident on your journey.

Wherever you go, however you get there, I hope you have a trip to remember.

Happy travels (and happy planning), kindreds!

Ready to Go Solo?

There are a couple of ways to keep going from here. If you want the full playbook on traveling solo as a woman, start with my Solo Female Travel guide, it’s everything I wish I’d known before my first trip alone.

And if you’re ready to go solo and want someone to handle the where, the how, and the details while you sit back and relax, that’s what I do.

Reach out here and let’s plan a trip that’s entirely yours.

RELATED POSTS

Ready to travel solo? 

HELPFUL LINKS

Ready to book? Here are my go-to resources for planning and getting smart on solo travel:

You may also like...

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *