Drea The night before I flew to Tokyo by myself, I spent thirty minutes staring at a subway map on my phone, memorizing station names I couldn’t pronounce. Not because I had to. Because if I didn’t, I knew I’d lie awake running through every way the next day could go wrong. Am I scared to travel alone? No. But do I get nervous about the what-ifs? Absolutely.
That’s the part of solo travel nobody puts on a postcard: the anxiety that shows up before you’ve even left, and keeps showing up in small, specific ways the whole way through. If you’re scared to travel alone, you’re not broken and you’re not alone in feeling that way. I’ve taken dozens of solo trips and I still do the math on my alarm clock, still recheck my passport more times than I’d like to admit. In fact, a lot of my expert preparation stems from being anxious about all that could go wrong, and doing everything I can to prevent it. Here’s exactly what that looks like for me, trip after trip, and what I actually do about it.
For my full guide to solo travel for women over 35, start here →
The Less You Carry, the More In Control You Feel
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The ‘What If’ Spiral: Why I’m Still Scared to Travel Alone Before I Even Leave the House
If I’m honest, the anxiety starts way before the trip does, and it’s almost always about logistics, not the destination. Will I know my way around the new cities I’m heading to? Will I make my flight, and will my luggage follow suit? There are so many what-ifs my overactive brain thinks of. That’s the good and bad of being a problem-solver – I anticipate so many things that could happen, and then go into prep mode for each of them.
Traveling solo also adds a little extra pressure, as there’s no one to help plan or problem-solve or ease my worries. My mind just hops from scenario to scenario, like a long travel train that starts at my house and runs all the way through my trip. Relaxing? Maybe not. But prepared? 100%.
The anxiety front-loads itself into the planning, not the doing.
The night before my flight, I set three alarms and still don’t trust them, because there’s no one else in the house to double-check I’m up. Once I’m up, the thoughts shift to whether my driver will arrive. I schedule these ahead, but I had a driver cancel once, so now I always have a backup way to get to the airport already mapped out.
Once I’m in the car (and several times before), I shift to identification. I have an irrational fear of not getting out of/into a country because I forgot or lost my ID. Of course this is irrational, I know that. I had a friend get her purse stolen in London and the embassy was able to assist. I know I have digital photos of everything in case something happens. And yet, the anxious brain continues to problem-solve on my behalf. Over and over again, I think, do I have my ID (and passport if it’s an international trip)? Because the anxiety doesn’t care that I already checked umpteen times.
- At home, right before I walk out the door
- In the car, on the way to the airport
- At the security line
- Once I’m through security, one more time
It’s funny how when we flip the script, we can turn anxiety-ridden behaviors into positive preparation habits. I do a physical check for my money and passport multiple times a day, not because I think I’ve lost them, but because checking is what lets me stop thinking about it. Before I leave any hotel room, whether I’m changing cities or heading home, I do a lap of the room at least three times looking for what I might have left behind – not because I’m nervous but because it will save me time from backtracking later.
Now that I usually check luggage, the worry about finding overhead space has subsided. But alas, that introduces a new problem to solve – will my luggage be there when I arrive? My luggage hasn’t come off the belt a few times, or has been in a different part of the terminal, so this one is a real experience that sticks with me. Even though I know it’s ultimately been ok, I still pack a change of clothes and my essentials in my carry-on, every time, no exceptions.
You’d think that once I’ve landed and have been reunited with my luggage, the anxiety would subside, but you’d be wrong.
Landing, and the Hours Before I Feel Settled
Landing in a place you’ve never been before may be the most anxiety-ridden part of the trip. That space between legs of a trip, when you’re not fully anywhere yet, is often where anxiety spikes hardest, because the unknowns double: new transportation, new lodging, a new city to get oriented in.
To ease my anxiety (and get prepared), I research exactly how I’ll get from the airport to my hotel before I land, down to the train line or taxi stand, so I’m not figuring it out exhausted. I’ve actually started booking cars for this part too — it quiets the anxious mind to have a plan in place, and it’s just easier after a long flight.
It’s also the point in the trip where all of your prepping and research becomes real. Are the hotel and neighborhood all that you’d expected them to be? I’ve landed hoping a hotel would feel like a refuge, only to have it fall short, so I now plan around a neighborhood first, not just the hotel or the room. If the first place doesn’t feel right, I remind myself that switching hotels mid-trip is allowed, and I’ve done it before.
I once booked an Airbnb in Miami with a friend, and it was sketchy from the jump. Even with all of my research and review-reading, it was a travel fail. Rather than us spending an uncomfortable weekend there, I walked down South Beach to the W Hotel, told them my dilemma, and they happily got me a room for the weekend. Comfort and safety were worth the switch, and we had zero regrets.
Once the lodging and neighborhood are in order, my mind can turn to the first day in a new city – eek!
My First Day Being Scared to Travel Alone in a New City
I know a lot of people are scared of what can happen to them in a new city. I’m a little different, as most of my fear lives in the anticipation and logistics, vs the actual walking-around, and a small ritual the night before makes the doing part easier. When I’m walking around, it’s easy for me to be in the moment and just enjoy where I am, soaking it all in. But the before and after and small decisions in between? That’s where my brain goes on super-drive.
A lot of times our anxiety is building something up to be much harder or scarier than it actually is.
In Japan, I had built Google map directions for every day, going from key sight to key sight, with the most efficient route, so that when I got there I knew where I was headed. Even with that, I spent thirty minutes the night before studying each day’s map, noting train stations and how they connected, so the next morning felt familiar before I’d even left the hotel.
Once I was out the door, I was good. I can roll with the punches if I miss a train stop or go the wrong way. Or that time where my Suica card didn’t swipe at the exit. My anxiety alarm went off, but the kind attendant checked my account and let me through, no problem. That’s the thing: a lot of times our anxiety is building something up to be much harder or scarier than it actually is.
The Awkward Moments when Traveling Alone
There are moments when I’m out and about that are a bit awkward. Again, it’s not being scared to travel alone, but I am cognizant of, and victim to, some uncomfortable moments. As silly as it sounds, when you’re alone, there’s no one to take pictures with. So, I take a lot of selfies, and when a stranger offers to take my picture, I find it kind AND it makes me a little self-conscious that I’m there alone.
The same is true with eating or having a drink by myself. It used to feel like the hardest part, and it still gives me a flicker of self-consciousness, but I do it anyway. And after a few minutes, I forget all about it and it’s not that bad. The key to managing all of these moments, all of these ‘problems’ your brain is prepping for, is to think of it as preparation that lets you live in the moments that matter.
Staying Alert Without Staying Anxious
I could let all of these things overwhelm me, and not gonna lie, sometimes I do. But ultimately they also have value and it’s important to think about that. These vigilant habits aren’t about anxiety winning. They’re what lets me relax everywhere else. I come in prepared, and that helps me do the same preparation for my clients.
Because I’m more relaxed when exploring a new town, I do some basics to stay alert and stay safe. These may help you if this is where most of your anxiety lies.
Quick Safety Habits for Solo Travel
This isn’t fear running the show – or at least that’s what I tell myself. It’s a system that frees up the rest of my brain to actually enjoy where I am.
The Anxiety That Shows Up at the End of a Trip, Too
It’s funny. You’d think that at the end of the trip the fear subsides. But actually, the fear can also resurface right before I leave, in the last day or two of a trip, as second-guessing whether I used my time well. I start running through whether I did everything I wanted to, and that question spirals just as easily as the pre-trip ones did.
I vacillate between doing all the ‘must-see’ things, and remembering that I spent the time the way I needed to spend it in that moment. I’ve learned to ask a more useful question – how do I want to spend the time I have left given how I feel at that point, not whether I’ve already failed at the trip.
My last day in Japan? I found a Japanese massage parlor, had a relaxing morning, enjoyed my last bowl of curry udon, and did some souvenir-shopping. Did I maximize every minute? No. But was it perfect for me at that moment? Yes, and that’s what matters.
I try to pivot this monkey-mind, to focus on the experience I had, what I loved, and remind myself of what my grandmother taught me – always leave things undone somewhere, so you have a reason to return. When I can close out a trip with intention, instead of just rushing to the airport, it is all the more special, and has become its own small ritual.
FAQs
Conclusion
The anxiety hasn’t gone anywhere, even after all these trips. I still check my passport too many times. I still feel a flicker of self-consciousness when I sit down at a restaurant alone. But none of that has stopped me from going, and it doesn’t have to stop you either. The fear and the trip can both be true at the same time.
The fear and the trip can both be true at the same time.
If you’re earlier in building your solo travel confidence, start here with my beginner’s guide. And if you’re already a few solo trips in and want the fuller, messier picture, here’s what no one tells you about the harder parts.
Wherever you go, however you do it, I want you to have a trip to remember.
Happy travels, kindreds!
RELATED POSTS
Ready to overcome being scared to travel alone?
- Read every aspect of solo travel for women in my full guide
- Travelling solo doesn’t have to start with a big international trip. Take a look at how to start traveling solo.
- The type of solo trip you take depends on what you’re looking for. Here’s 6 Kinds of Solo Trips to Take
- Wondering if you need a travel advisor to travel solo? Here’s how to decide
- Instagram will make you think that solo travel is all rainbows and butterflies, but it has its own hard parts. Read about mine here.
- Japan is a great place to travel solo. Take a look at my complete Japan Itinerary for first-timers.
- If you’re considering Japan, take a look at my 5-day Solo itinerary.
- For more information on why Tokyo is safe for solo female travelers, read here.
- Ready to plan? Take a look at my 2026 planning framework in How to Plan Your Best Travel Year.
HELPFUL LINKS
Ready to book? Here are my go-to resources for flights, packing, planning, and staying connected:
- Work With Me
- Need help planning your 2026 travel? Contact me here for personalized itinerary assistance!
- Want more information on the benefits of using a travel advisor? Learn more here
- Planning Resources
- Google Maps – my go-to for planning ahead, saving my hotel and mapping my days
- Google Translate – a little local language goes a long way
- Airalo – my key for staying connected at home and on the ground. An eSim that ensures you have cost-effective data, wherever you go. Use my referral code ANDREA68732 for $3 off
- Mishandled Luggage – Official US government consumer-protection source, gives concrete recourse for the lost luggage fear
- Mental health and travel – CDC Travelers’ Health page, has more info on travel anxiety, normalizing it as a legitimate topic
- Looking for Travel Inspiration? Follow me and check out my boards on Pinterest
